If the Playoffs Started Today…

Lots can change in four games, but here’s how things look right now.

OSC:

#1  Penn Yan Penguins (7-3)

#2 Shangri-La Shockers (6-4)

#3 South Carolina Sandsharks (6-4)

#4 New Amsterdam Empiricists (5-5)

BHH:

#1 Summerville Taggers (8-2)

#2 Port City Slayers (7-3)

#3 Big Red Blazers (6-4)

#4 Knobville Knights (5-5)

The Slayers are probably closest to wrapping up their division, as they hold a three-game lead over the next team in the BHH West with just 4 to go.  One more win will help a lot.

84 points

The Shockers posted an amazing 84 points this week.  Though a tremendous accomplishment, it’s not even Stukas’ best outing…he put up 88 in 2007.  Still, it’s the high-water mark of 2009, eclipsing the Slayers’ 80 points of week 7.  The Brady to Moss combo is starting to look pretty damn unstoppable.  It’s still amazing to me that Stukas was able to pull that off in a 16-team league.

Bye Weeks End; Thursday Game Again

The bye weeks have officially come to an end.  Thursday games are back, and this week the Dolphins play the Panthers.  If you have any players on those teams, you’ll want to get your lineup in before kickoff on Thursday night.

Who Will Stop Them?

The Taggers have won 5 games in a row.  The Slayers continue to lead the league in scoring, and now benefit from decreasing points allowed.  Hence, the 7-game winning streak.  Who will stop these titans of the SCUFFLE?  The Taggers face a weak Underachievers team this week, but the Slayers have a formidable opponent in the Knobville Knights (though Carson Palmer could be mitigated by Chad Ochocinco).  I would rather see the winning streak end now than in the playoffs.  Right guys?  Right?

Looking Ahead

It was great that Chicago played on Thursday.  The Bears free up the early games again by playing on Sunday night.  Good for Chicago fans who are out of town, better for non-Chicago fans who are stuck in this market.

Rolling On

The Slayers and the Taggers keep on trucking with wins in week 9.  This brings the Slayers’ winning streak to 6 games.  The Taggers have ripped off 4 in a row.  Both teams now own a two game advantage in their respective divisions.

The Blagos Have Company

Long considered the worst team in the league, the Springfield Blagos now have some cellar-dwelling friends to hang out with.  It seemed like every team was close to .500 just a couple of weeks ago.  Now there are 5 teams that have a 3-6 record, including the Blagos, Rippers, Monkey Brigade, Pirates, and Underachievers (not an ironic name…sort of like the Shitty Beatles).

Parity or Not?

The OSC features some nice little division races.  The Shockers and Empiricists are battling it out with 5-4 records, and the Bittermen have surged and now find themselves only one game back.  The Bittermen also have the best division record, which makes this race spicy!

The Sandsharks brought the Penguins back to earth with a win, staving off the threat of the Penguins opening up a two-game lead in the division.  Now both teams sit at 6-3 and they have split their season series.  The Sandsharks own the advantage in points scored by a mere 7 points ,and right now both teams have identical division records.  If the playoffs started today, the Penguins would be declared the winner based on their superior conference record, but there is plenty of football to be played.  This looks to be a 2-horse race right now, as the other teams kind of suck.

Over in the BHH West the Slayers have put themselves in a nice position. They are the only team in the division with a winning record.  Beating the Easy Riders was huge (thanks Brandon Marshall) because a loss would have put the Slayers into 2nd place by virtue of tiebreakers.  The Slayers’ 555 points through 9 games is on pace to break a franchise record for points in a season.

The Taggers have a nice cushion in the BHH East, but the rest of the teams in that division are much more competitive than their BHH West counterparts.  Still, Summerville is perfect in division play, so unless something drastic changes, they should be able to take down the division.

Top Performers

Through 9 weeks:

QB: Matt Schaub  - Baked Monkey Brigade - 112 points (Drafted 3.10)

RB:  Maurice Jones-Drew  -  Gifted Underachievers - 96 points (Drafted 1.03)

WR: Reggie Wayne - Penguins - 84 points (Drafted 2.02)

DEF: Saints - Sandsharks - 91 points (Drafted 11.13…Steal of the Century!)

ST: Chargers - Blazers - 40 points (Drafted 13.11…if you care)

Looking Ahead

I’m looking ahead to the 49ers-Bears game.  Which team is more mediocre?  We’ll find out soon.  And bonus time…the Bears playing on Thursday frees up the Chicago market for better games on Sunday!

Okay, she’s off the potty (”I need to wipe my butt!”) and I’ve got my “pop.”  Here we go.

Heartbreaking Losses

Let’s start in Mt. Wood, where the Knobville Knights came to town and lost by one point.  No big deal, right? People lose by that margin all the time.  But the fact that the Knights got -1 points out of the Cleveland ST really stings.  A goose egg would have been so much better.  What’s the deal with all of the missed extra points this year?

On that note, let’s take a look at the Big Red Blazers.  Because not submitting a lineup is apparently the cool new thing to do, the Blazers were forced to use their previous week’s lineup, which meant that idle Hines Ward was in the fold, and Chris Johnson was not.  Chris Johnson had another one of his stupid games, and had he been in there the Blazers would have been victorious.

Stop the Bleeding!

The Springfield Blagos are on a 6-game losing streak, thanks in part to injuries and their insistence on starting Calvin “Game-Time Decision” Johnson each week.  They had their shot this week, as they only gave up 35 to the Empiricists.  Unfortunately, they only mustered 27 points.  Though the effort was feeble, it doesn’t put the Blagos in the conversation of worst scoring days in SCUFFLE history (that honor belongs to the Easy Riders, who posted 12 last year in a game).  Still, the Blagos could have won had Kurt Warner posted 4 fewer turnovers.

Previously Processed Waivers

When I was logged in as “owner” I noticed that I couldn’t see the previously processed waivers.  So I changed the owner abilities to allow all owners to see that report (Reports-Franchise-Previously Processed Waivers).  Now you can see the processed transactions, but also the bids of the losing bidders.  Now you can tell if you spent $15 needlessly when there is no competition, or if your bid was actually a pretty good one (I was right to pay a high price for Alex Smith, because apparently the Penguins were trying to snake him from me!).  So, it may be a little late, but hopefully this makes things a little better.

Juggernaut?

The Port City Slayers have scored 500 points so far, which is a mean 62.5 points per game.  What’s even more amazing is how often they have been the league’s top scoring team (had the stupid Saints kicked one FG they would have repeated that feat this week).  If the power rankings are to be believed, then the Slayers are by far the strongest team (even though they don’t have the best record) with an incredible 100-20 All-Play record.

The Penn Yann Penguins and Summerville Taggers have a better record than the Slayers.  They only have two losses each.  Of course, the Slayers were not impressed as they stomped both teams.  That’s right, stomped!

Looking Ahead

It’s Revenge Sunday, as the SCUFFLE owners reprise their week one matchups wth division rivals.  Week one losers that are now favored against the same opponent that vanquished them are the Shockers, Baked Monkey Brigade, Sandsharks, Rippers, Slayers, and Underachievers.  All of this is to say that things have changed since then.

With the exception of the Vikings, a bunch of crappy teams are on the bye this week.  Lineups won’t be affected much by the loss of the Bills, Jets, Browns, Raiders, and Rams.

Streaking

The Port City Slayers now find themselves in first place thanks to a 4-game winning streak (after they opened the season with a three-game losing spree).  After scoring lots of points and still losing, they seem to have come to the conclusion that the safest bet is to be the top scoring team each week.  Week 7 saw more of the same, even though Ray Rice and Brandon Marshall were sidelined by the bye week.  Luckily, Vernon Davis decided to have the game of his life the same day that he found himself in the Slayers’ starting lineup.

The Springfield Blagos are putting together a little streak of their own: a five-game losing streak.  After starting the season at 2-0 (coinciding with two awesome games by Frank Gore), the Blagos can’t catch a break.  Their first pick, Gore, was sidelined with an injury, and though he came back this week, he was ineffective.  Kurt Warner has been fairly solid for the Blagos, but he isn’t performing anywhere near the top class of QBs so far.  The Blagos’ first two picks, Frank Gore and Calvin Johnson, have been hurt, and their replacements have been inept at best.  Eric Lawson can only hope that these guys have recovered from their injuries and can return to their previous form.

The Ultra-Competitive BHH East

Every team in the BHH East has a winning record.  The Summerville Taggers have to be the early favorite to win the division, however, as they have a 3-0 record in the division (all of the other teams are 1-2).  With the exception of the Woodchucks, all of teams have scoring averages that are north of 50 points/game.  The Woodchucks are benefiting from a league-low 43 ppg allowed.  It will be interesting to see who comes out on top in that division (only to lose to the Slayers in the playoffs….OH NO I DIDN’T!  Yes I did).

Lineup Losers

The MadCity Gifted Underachievers and Knobville Knights failed to submit lineups this week, resulting in a submission of their previous week’s lineup.  Here are the rules, just in case you care and/or forgot:

• It’s super easy to submit a lineup.  Still, it is necessary to post this thanks to certain owners.  Failure to submit a lineup results in:
  • (1st offense) The use of the previous week’s lineup.  Note, the previous week’s lineup will not be used if a lineup was not submitted prior to a Thursday game.  Instead, any Thursday players will be removed and only a partial lineup will be used.
  • (2nd offense) The commissioner will ask the owner to submit a lineup for each week, all at once.  The owner can then go in later and change the lineups on a week to week basis.  Should the owner forget, then a lineup has already been set.
  • (3rd offense)  The commissioner will get super annoyed and submit the same lineup for all of the remaining weeks with no regard to bye weeks or injuries.  The owner can then make changes on a week to week basis.
  • (4th offense)  Really? Four times?  At this point the owner will receive the ignominious Erin Millender Award for owner futility.
• In the event of web page problems, simply email your opponent and the commissioner your lineup before the start of the first game.  In the event of total internet failure, just call the commissioner (number posted on myfantasyleague page) with your lineup.  Plan ahead and submit a lineup early in the week and adjust as necessary before the games start on Sunday.

The Underachievers did not fare well as most of their previous starters found themselves on a bye this week.  And just a note - Millender has been doing a nice job with submitting lineups this year.  Keep it up!

Washington Woes

The fact that the Redskins (Josh Weldin’s favorite team) suck hard is having an ill-effect on the Woodchucks.  The Woodchucks needed a mere 6 points out of his Monday night players to pull out the win.  He had Clinton Portis and the Washington special teams.  Surely Portis could do this by himself?  No, not as much.  Portis rushed for 43 yards and sprained his ankle. The Redskins ST only kicked one field goal.  Weldin lost 37-36 in a heartbreaker.

Looking Ahead

Most matchups look pretty one-sided this week, but the byes could be a huge factor.  The Patriots, Bengals, and Steelers are off, so their players won’t be in uniform.  Also, the Chiefs, Redskins, and Bucs are out, so there are fewer sucky teams for players to beat up on.  The Slayers-Woodchucks matchup bears mentioning since both teams are 4-3, and both owners have 2 championships.  Weldin has an early advantage thanks to the Redskins bye - normally he wouldn’t be able to lay off starting his god-awful Washington players, but this week he has no choice but to bench them.

I’m looking forward to the 2nd half of the season!

Chicago Amber Alert: bears secondary <—if found please make sure they show up Sunday, I can’t wait<—I work to hard to be stopped!!!!!!!

I heard about it on the radio.  I can’t follow Twitter because I have a job, and no patience for decoding the symbols.

4th Quarter Comebacks

So, you’d think that the team that had Brady and Moss (who combined for 47 points) would win, right? Not so for the Shockers, who despite scoring 66 points, still lost to the BMB and Matt Schaub.  The Shockers lead did not hold up against the Denver defense on Monday night.  Scoring 66 points and still losing?  That’s Slayers style, son.  Except that lately the Slayers have compensated for their bad luck by scoring the most points every week.

The Easy Riders had a great day from Drew Brees, but still needed Rowdy Roddy White to score 8 points in the Sunday night game if they wanted to win.  Roddy White scored exactly 8 points.  I’d feel sorry for the Underachievers, but they won by home field advantage two weeks in a row, so they were due.

The Summerville Taggers were also down going into the Monday night game.  They were down by four against the division leading Knobville Knights with Vincent Jackson left to play.  Jackson’s previous low was 5 points, so it was a good bet that he’d get the job done.  And he did.  Oh yes, he did.  He scored a touchdown in route to 7 points and a Taggers win.

And then there was the comeback that should have been, but wasn’t.  The Springfield Blagos did not get the memo that Calvin Johnson was not suiting up, and so they got the fat zero from him.  Thus, they needed five points from Knowshon Moreno to tie (and six to win).  But wouldn’t you know that week 6 also marked the return of Buckhalter and the RB by committee scourge in Denver?  Moreno scored 3.  Not enough.   The Blagos drop to 2-4, but have a shot against the Slayers since the bye week is killing them and Frank Gore will undoubtedly return to greatness this week.  Let’s just say that the interactions between Lawson and Hammond at Lincoln Middle School are frosty at best this week.

Fierce Competition

Is it just me, or is the league ultra-competitive this year?  Only one game separates first place from last place in the BHH West and in the BHH East.  In fact, no team in the BHH East has a losing record.  The Old School is pretty much right there as well, though the Taegu Rippers seem to be fading fast.  Last week I talked about the teams with 4 game winning streaks.  Both of those teams lost this week.  Now the hottest teams are the Woodchucks and Slayers with 3-game winning streaks.

QB’s Still Dominating

The top 8 scorers in the SCUFFLE are all QBs.  This is highly unusual.  I think I heard that there were something like 8 quarterbacks who tossed for 300 yards or better this week.  Rounding out the top 10 are RBs Maurice Jones Drew and Ray Rice.  If you sort by average points per game (since some players have not had byes) then the top 9 positions are represented by QBs.

Looking Ahead

Fiona is asking for breakfast for some reason (even though it’s 7:49 PM), so I’m going to have to wrap this up.  Come on television, do your job and hold her attention!

Anyway, this week features a return to the cross-conference smack down (the BHH West plays the OSC East, and the BHH East plays the OSC West).  Generally these out of conference games don’t have the fire that a division rivalry does, but the Slayers-Blagos matchup is worth noting.  Hammond represents room 209 and Lawson is coming out of room 207.  Clearly 209 > 207, proving that Lawson is the lesser man at work (and in life).  Plus, Hammond teaches a real subject: Math.  Lawson teaches Social Studies, which isn’t even worthy enough to warrant state testing.

Alright kids.  Following Chad Ochocinco’s advice, I’m going to kiss the baby.

On a Roll

The Shockers and the Knights currently stand above the rest of the fray with 4-1 records.  Moreover, they’ve both won four games in a row to get there.  The Shockers have a bit of breathing room in their division, but the Knights might be in the best division of all.  Every team has a winning record, and the rest of the Knights’ rivals are only a game back at 3-2.  The Shockers are getting production from people like Chester Taylor and Visanthe Shiancoe, and haven’t even realized the full potential of the Brady to Moss combo.  The Knights, on the other hand, are reaping the benefits of a resurgent Carson Palmer and a talented (and healthy) Ronnie Brown.  They also have Steven Jackson, who has yet to do anything, thanks to being stuck on the worst team in football.  Surely he’ll go off one of these days (or maybe even get traded…that would be awesome for Knob).

The Ultra Competitive BHH West

The BHH West took on the BHH East this week, and the East took it to them.  With the exception of the Slayers, all of the BHH West teams lost, leaving the four teams mired in a four-way tie at 2-3.  It’s not as if the BHH West teams all suck, though.  As a division, they have given up the most points, with all four teams averaging more than 50 PA per game.  The Slayers, of course, are still giving up the most points by far.  The Slayers also boast the most points scored, and have finally been lucky enough to win two in a row, thus catapulting them into contention in the BHH West.

On the Board

The Taegu Rippers finally scored a win this week, and it coincided with the return of their QB, Donovan McNabb.  McNabb made up for lost time by scoring 17 in the win.  Marshawn Lynch also returned to form following his three-game suspension to open the season, and it looks like he’ll be the primary weapon in Buffalo.

What’s the Deal With These Quarterbacks?

Quarterbacks continue to lead the way this season, but some are performing at unheard of levels.  In addition to starting the season with five 300-yard passing games, Peyton Manning is completing 73.5% of his passes.  And Ben Roethlisberger is completing 73.8% of his passes.  These are incredible numbers.  Put those against JaMarcus Russell, who is completing 42.1% of his passes, and you realize a couple of things.  First, teams that draft good quarterbacks and keep them in the same offensive system are smart.  Secondly, teams that draft quarterbacks based on one college game are stupid.  Also, teams that draft quarterbacks and then have 5 offensive coordinators in four years are also stupid (sorry, 49ers, but it’s time to get your act together…Montana and Steve Young don’t fall into your lap every year).

By the way, this brings me back to the argument about parity.  Everyone assumes that the NFL has tons of parity, and they buy into that Any Given Sunday business.  But really, it seems like well-run organizations keep it going year after year (Colts, Patriots, Steelers, etc.) and the poorly run organizations are awful every year (does anyone think the Raiders are ever going to amount to anything under Al Davis?  Or that the Browns will ever turn it around?).

Looking Ahead

After an out-of-division stint, the SCUFFLE returns to division play, where each team plays the only other division rival they have yet to face.  With the divisions being so competitive early on, every division win matters.  The Taggers square off against the Knights for a share of first place.  There are other intriguing matchups, especially considering the bye week: Colts, Dolphins, 49ers, and Cowboys.  Who has the necessary depth?  Who will make the best free agent acquisitions (Well, probably not Weldin)?

Should be fun.

First Pick is Worst Pick?

The Taegu Rippers now sit alone as the only team without a win.  This is a hard pill to swallow for the team that had the first pick overall in the draft.  The Rippers surprised many with their selection of Matt Forte, who finally showed signs of life in week 4.  If Ben Hauser had been able to divine the optimum lineup each week, then his team could have 3 wins (according to the “coulda won” category on the power ranking report).  The Rippers are the third worst scoring team in the league, and unfortunately for them they also have the third most points allowed.  They have not been as lucky as the Woodchucks, for example, who have scored the second fewest points yet stand at 2-2 thanks to a mere 42.8 points allowed.

Overtime Thriller

The SCUFFLE had it’s first overtime game of the season, which underscored the importance of picking a good backup player.  The Shockers and Blazers were tied at 47, so it came down to the tiebreaker players: Chester “Drawers” Taylor of the Shockers versus Braylon Edwards of the Blazers.  Edwards decided to go without a catch and put up the fat nothing in the clutch. The Blazers can hope that Edwards’ sudden trade to the Jets will result in an marked increase in his fantasy value.  After four weeks of subpar play, it certainly couldn’t get any worse.

That Stupid Third-Year Receiver Cliche

As much as I hate it, the cliche seems to be a reality, at least for Blazers (and Giants) WR Steve Smith.  In his third year, Smith has become the undisputed top Steve Smith in the league.  He’s currently tied for the second most fantasy points in the league, behind Peyton Manning.  Calvin Johnson is also in his third year, and playing well, but to be fair he has been a beast since he entered the league.

Looking Ahead

With the bye week, three of the top QBs will be taking a seat: Brees, Rodgers, and Rivers.  The backups leave much to be desired.  The Easy Riders have Kyle Boller going, and the Slayers have Shaun Hill.  Eli Manning is the backup for the Taggers, but he is questionable, and will be a game time decision.  The Taggers and Slayers square off in the backup QB bowl.  We’ll see what happens.

I’m done with this now.

-Shangri-La Shockers owner Nick Stukas, in an email to Slayers owner Josh Hammond

That pretty much sums it up. But hey, at least I’m highly regarded in the Power Rankings.

And Then There Was One

Only one team remains unbeaten, and it’s the Summerville Taggers. They are wealthy at quarterback, having Philip Rivers and Eli Manning. They are also getting nice production from unexpected places. Vincent Jackson has been a nice third round draft pick, and Tim Hightower has demonstrated a proclivity for catching the ball. After dispatching the Big Red Blazers, the Taggers are sitting atop the BHH East. Remember, there’s no luck like beginner’s luck, so the Taggers have to be an early favorite to win it all.

And Then There Were Two

On the flip side, two teams “stand” at 0-3: the Rippers and the Slayers. Let’s look at the tale of the tape:

As you can see, these teams are pretty much equal.

The Injury Bug
Nothing like seeing your player take one snap and go out for the game. That’s exactly what happened to Springfield Blagos first round pick Frank Gore. His 4 yard carry was good for zero points, and now it looks like he’ll be out 3-4 weeks. This follows an impressive 200-yard performance in which Gore had to leave early in the 2nd half. Hopefully he’ll make a full recovery and be back soon. The New Amsterdam Empiricists have to be happy about their 11th round selection of Glen Coffee.

Field Generals

Of all the positions, the quarterbacks seem to be having the best performances through the first three weeks of the season. In fact, 6 of the top 10 SCUFFLE scorers are QBs right now. That’s unusual for a league in which scoring is fairly equivalent across the positions. Names like Brees, Manning, and Brady are not surprising, but names like Flacco and Schaub are. Aaron Rodgers is also performing well, and has yet to commit a turnover.

Looking Ahead

The interconference games are upon us, as the OSC teams travel to BHH stadiums. The game with the closest point spread is the Penguins - Slayers tilt. Will the Slayers finally come up with a win? It’s hard to say. Players seem to go crazy against the Slayers (see Brees in week 1, Chris Johnson in week 2, and MJD in week 3). That means that Slaton will probably get going and put up 20. Hopefully not. You readers might as well root for the Slayers, because if they start winning then maybe I’ll stop whining in this column like a little bitch.

I’m Hammond. Deal with it (still working on that sign-off).

Near Record-Breaking Effort

Chris Johnson of the Big Red Blazers put up a monster 28 points, which is just one point shy of tying the all-time SCUFFLE scoring record for a player in a single game.  Johnson scored three touchdowns and had 284 yards of total offense to go with nine receptions.  Interestingly, his awesome performance did not work out to a win for the Titans.  It did, however, help the Blazers become the highest scoring team of week 2 (along with the Blagos).

Speaking of the Blazers

What is their deal?  They are leading the league in scoring after two weeks, but it isn’t necessarily due to a consistent, team-wide performance.  It seems like their players are just taking turns going apeshit.  Last week the Philly D did the job, and this week Chris Johnson went insane.  Marion Barber also looked good, and next week it could be Tony Romo that puts up 4 TDs.  What if they all go crazy at the same time?  Can you imagine?  Oh the humanity.

The Super Competitive OSC West

It’s not just that all four teams are 1-1.  If you look at their points scored and points allowed, each team is nearly identical.  In fact, the only significant difference between them on the standings report is their blind bid balance.  Stukas and the Shockers paid a pretty penny to bring Benjamin Watson to Shangri-La.

First to Worst?

After two weeks of play, the defending SCUFFLE Champion Walla Walla Woodchucks look like they’re in trouble.  Oh sure, they pulled out a win this week, but that was due mostly to the fact that they were playing the lowly Underachievers (they could have beaten the Shockers this week, too, but nobody else).  The Power Rankings belie a story of woe for the Woodchucks: their all-play record is 4-26 so far, which is by far the worst in the league.  So far their first two picks, Clinton Portis and Larry Fitzgerald, have not met expectations.  On the brightside, those two will undoubtedly play better, and if you can pull out a win when your team is struggling, you can consider yourself fortunate.

Looking Ahead

Week three pits division rivals against each other.  With the exception of a couple of games, most of the early point spreads indicate that the matchups will be competitive.    There are only three winless teams, and two of them will square off (the Slayers and Underachievers).  The game of the week, however, has to be the Blazers-Taggers tilt, featuring two high powered and undefeated teams.

Nobody gave me a sign-off yet.  Here’s one: Hammond out.

In With the New

Let’s begin by discussing the impressive performances of the new owners.  All three of them secured victories in week one.  This league has a history of being kind to new owners, with several teams winning the championship in their first season.  The New Amsterdam Empiricists looked the strongest, while the other two teams benefited from favorable scheduling, both having losing records against the field.  But let’s not forget, you only have to beat the team you’re playing against that week, and that’s just what they did.

The Easy Riders

In a complete turnaround, the Mt. Wood Easy Riders had a respectable draft.  Their first round investment in Drew Brees paid of handsomely, as he lofted 6 TDs in route to a 26 point performance against the Slayers.  The Easy Riders’ 69 points was tops in the league, and Erin has a perfect All-Play Record for now (but somehow isn’t sitting atop the Power Rankings).

The Easy Riders also wisely failed to get their lineup in before Thursday and were thus prevented from starting the Steelers defense.  Their Seattle defense was the only team in the league to pitch a shutout.  Fred Jackson exposed the Patriots complete inability to defend the screen pass, and he’s making a bid to stay in the starting role even when Lynch comes back.  All in all, the Easy Riders look like they can compete this year. This is saying something for a team with one winning season in the last 7 years.

Purple Jesus

Springfield Blagos owner Eric Lawson refers to Adrian Peterson as Purple Jesus (and he walks on purple water).  After his 20 point performance, it’s worth noting that he was not picked #1 overall in the SCUFFLE.  Ben Hauser of the Taegu Rippers made a homer pick of Matt Forte and turned the fantasy world upside down.  Having the second pick I was momentarily in a state of panic, thinking that AP had broken his face or something and I just didn’t know about it.  Forte struggled in week 1, so comparisons with Purple Jesus will be made all season long.  Peterson probably won’t slow down in week 2 either, as he faces the Lions.  When asked (theoretically) if he regretted the decision, Hauser (probably would have) replied, “We still like Matt’s chances.  We drafted him for a reason, and we’re happy with him so far.  Hindsight is 20/20, and we’ve only played one game.  There’s a lot season left.”  Then Hauser got teary-eyed and said, “That’s my running back.”

Losing Teams With Reason for Optimism

Sometimes you lose because your team sucks.  Sometimes you lose because you ran into a buzzsaw.  There are three teams with reason to be optimistic despite their 0-1 starts:

Port City Slayers - The Slayers put up 55 points in a losing cause.  Aaron Rodgers only threw one touchdown.  Brandon Marshall and Chad Ochocinco underperformed.  If these players can step it up, then the Slayers can be lethal given that they have Purple Jesus.  Some areas of concern are the fact that LeRon McClain and Willis McGahee actively stole touchdowns from Ray Rice.  The Slayers could conceivably start McGahee, because they have him, but that seems like a dangerous game.  The Patriots defense looked bad too, and the Slayers missed out on the defense run.  Still, the Slayers definitely have the ability to put points on the board.

Madcity Gifted Underachievers - Many people were high on Joe Flacco coming into this season, and he didn’t disappoint.  It also looked like the Underachievers made the right move in drafting Jones-Drew over Michael Turner.  Terrell Owens will surely have better days, and Peters can throw in the Flacco to Mark Clayton combo during bye weeks.  Their running back corps looks pretty good, and should they stay healthy the Underachievers will give teams fits.

Shangri-La Shockers - The Brady to Moss combo barely fell short in a valiant attempt to overcome a huge deficit.  If Moss is going to be catching 12 balls a game, then the Shockers will be deadly.  Stukas can probably expect better things from the Baltimore defense and TJ Houshmandzadeh.  The Empiricists won a tough one at home, but things might be different when the rematch is staged in Shangri-La.

Looking Ahead

Week two features some pretty interesting matchups.  The Slayers will try to defeat the Blazers in week 2 (which hardly ever happens), but I’ll have my eye on the Taggers - Easy Riders game.  The Easy Riders are an incredible 21-point favorite.  I imagine that Brees won’t throw 6 TD passes again.  I think the Taggers have a good team, so this week could demonstrate whether or not the Easy Riders are for real.

At this point in the column I should be inserting a catchy sign-off phrase.  I will take suggestions.